In this second part, I’ll take a look at the first few dating personalities that author Michelle Callahan (“Dr. Michelle”) identifies in the book. These are solely my views at this very moment, please feel free to comment, discuss, debate, etc. I’m open to your thoughts :) I do not consider myself well versed in this topic… just a normal 20something year old girl still trying to learn, observe, and grow :)
Ms. Second Place: She allows herself to be a low priority in a man’s life.
This one pains me to watch, but I understand it. I just dislike seeing amazing people unable to stand up for themselves. I think the root of this comes from a lack of self confidence. If everyone can realize his or her own self worth and confidence, then I believe he or she will grow out of this. Setting proper expectations in a companion and sticking to them is important – because there are many charming sweet talkers out there, many “Ms./Mr. Second Place”s will fall victim to that and think that they are a larger part of someone else’s life than they really are.
I look at it this way. There are men I am attracted to that I know aren’t right for me. When I’m in the moment, I’ll find myself in the fun, playful, flirty banter with them but at the end of the day I realize that fitting him in my life isn’t very effortless, and I think to a certain degree it should be. It should be easy to fit someone special into your high priority list. I’ve recognized this, so if I see myself on the other end – then I know it is probably my signal to let it go, or avoid investing too many emotions in it. Just because things seem to be going well in rare moments does not mean it is the right thing. Deep down I believe that if it turns out that it is the right thing, then something else would bring us closer again. I’m only human and have my slip ups, but this is how I try to put things into perspective for myself to avoid becoming “Ms. Second Place”. You should too, because you’re worth a LOT more :)
Ms. Sex Machine: She settles for physical intimacy when she really wants an emotional connection.
I do think there is a small population of women who can pull this one off pretty well. But I still think that a majority of the women who are convinced they can… are just fooling themselves. Especially those who are actually looking for a relationship. I’ve seen this in situations when I couple breaks up but decides to maintain a physical relationship. To me, that screams “maybe he will realize he wants to get back together with me because I want to get back together with him.” Other times, I see that two people initially have only a physical connection but one usually starts yearning for something deeper. Whatever it is, I think everyone should value themselves and not settle for just a physical relationship! I think this can be somewhat related to “Ms. Second Place.” Again, you are worth a LOT more, and somebody will see that :)
Ms. Soul Mate: She so wants to be in love that she mistakes every date for “the one.”
I think that a lot of people have a little “Ms. Soul Mate” within themselves whether or not they have fully embraced the “Ms. Soul Mate” persona. For example, I have been in the position where I find myself drawn to somebody, mostly physically, and the fun flirtation starts. I know this is someone that will not end up being “the one,” but in moments of weakness, I’ll start dismissing everything wrong and convincing myself that perhaps it could work. When you want companionship so badly, your vulnerability attacks your ability to reason with yourself and clouds your judgment… which lets you convince yourself that Mr./Mrs. Wrong is “the one.” I’m all for fun and dating, so long as neither party is holding onto any hope that isn’t really there. But if it turns out that it is there, then great! It’s sometimes hard to steer back on track, but I always tell myself… I don’t want to become “Ms. Soul Mate” and let my real soul mate pass me by unnoticed.
here are some of the others mentioned in the book:
Ms. Drama Queen: She only dates bad boys and unavailable men.
Ms. Mom: She makes it a priority to fix her man’s life instead of her own.
Ms. Anaconda: She’s so needy, she suffocates every man she dates.
Ms. Independent: She’s been hurt before and won’t let her guard down.
If it all sounds interesting, I suggest checking out the book!