Are You “Ms. Typed”? Part Two

May 20, 2009

In this second part, I’ll take a look at the first few dating personalities that author Michelle Callahan (“Dr. Michelle”)  identifies in the book.  These are solely my views at this very moment, please feel free to comment, discuss, debate, etc.  I’m open to your thoughts :)  I do not consider myself well versed in this topic… just a normal 20something year old girl still trying to learn, observe, and grow :)

Ms. Second Place: She allows herself to be a low priority in a man’s life.
This one pains me to watch, but I understand it.  I just dislike seeing amazing people unable to stand up for themselves.  I think the root of this comes from a lack of self confidence.  If everyone can realize his or her own self worth and confidence, then I believe he or she will grow out of this.  Setting proper expectations in a companion and sticking to them is important – because there are many charming sweet talkers out there, many “Ms./Mr. Second Place”s will fall victim to that and think that they are a larger part of someone else’s life than they really are.
I look at it this way.  There are men I am attracted to that I know aren’t right for me.  When I’m in the moment, I’ll find myself in the fun, playful, flirty banter with them but at the end of the day I realize that fitting him in my life isn’t very effortless, and I think to a certain degree it should be.   It should be easy to fit someone special into your high priority list.  I’ve recognized this, so if I see myself on the other end – then I know it is probably my signal to let it go, or avoid investing too many emotions in it.  Just because things seem to be going well in rare moments does not mean it is the right thing.   Deep down I believe that if it turns out that it is the right thing, then something else would bring us closer again.  I’m only human and have my slip ups, but this is how I try to put things into perspective for myself to avoid becoming “Ms. Second Place”.  You should too, because you’re worth a LOT more :)

Ms. Sex Machine: She settles for physical intimacy when she really wants an emotional connection.
I do think there is a small population of women who can pull this one off pretty well.  But I still think that a majority of the women who are convinced they can… are just fooling themselves.  Especially those who are actually looking for a relationship.  I’ve seen this in situations when I couple breaks up but decides to maintain a physical relationship.  To me, that screams “maybe he will realize he wants to get back together with me because I want to get back together with him.”  Other times, I see that two people initially have only a physical connection but one usually starts yearning for something deeper.  Whatever it is, I think everyone should value themselves and not settle for just a physical relationship!  I think this can be somewhat related to “Ms. Second Place.” Again, you are worth a LOT more, and somebody will see that :)

Ms. Soul Mate: She so wants to be in love that she mistakes every date for “the one.”
I think that a lot of people have a little “Ms. Soul Mate” within themselves whether or not they have fully embraced the “Ms. Soul Mate” persona.  For example, I have been in the position where I find myself drawn to somebody, mostly physically, and the fun flirtation starts.  I know this is someone that will not end up being “the one,” but in moments of weakness, I’ll start dismissing everything wrong and convincing myself that perhaps it could work.  When you want companionship so badly, your vulnerability attacks your ability to reason with yourself and clouds your judgment… which lets you convince yourself that Mr./Mrs. Wrong is “the one.”  I’m all for fun and dating, so long as neither party is holding onto any hope that isn’t really there.  But if it turns out that it is there, then great!  It’s sometimes hard to steer back on track, but I always tell myself… I don’t want to become “Ms. Soul Mate” and let my real soul mate pass me by unnoticed.

here are some of the others mentioned in the book:
Ms. Drama Queen
She only dates bad boys and unavailable men.
Ms. Mom
She makes it a priority to fix her man’s life instead of her own.
Ms. AnacondaShe’s so needy, she suffocates every man she dates.
Ms. Independent
She’s been hurt before and won’t let her guard down.

If it all sounds interesting, I suggest checking out the book!

-debs

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Are you “Ms. Typed”? Part One

May 16, 2009

Dating is a large part of any roaring20something’s life, so it is only natural that one of us may be interested in exploring this aspect on this blog.  Although this post may seemingly target a women audience, I guarantee that there will be a few of you boys that will find yourselves engaged in the content of this post and might even want to chime in with your own thoughts and observations.   I am no relationship/dating expert, but I am fascinated by the dynamics of dating, relationships, and all the fun, drama, self discovery that comes along with it.  I have several blogs in my RSS feed that touch on topics ranging from dating, relationships, pick up artistry, love, sex, online dating, and the differences between women and men.

Today’s post is inspired by the book “Ms. Typed: Discover Your True Dating Personality and Rewrite Your Romantic Future.”  It just came out recently, so I have not had a chance to check it out yet.  However, the synopsis of the book and a recent appearance on the Today show gives me enough content for the purposes of this post (as well as interest in checking out the book!)  In the book, she breaks down different common “dating personalities”  and offers insight on “how to be the woman and partner you’re meant to be” (got that from the synopsis I found on bn.com).  I’ll be first to admit that I have at some point in my life fit more than one of these personalities.. and definitely have seen real life examples of those personalities that I have not personally taken on.

In this first part, take a look at her Today Show appearance.

Summary of above video:

Ms. Soul Mate: She thinks every guy she dates is the one. She is so caught up with the fantasy of walking down the aisle, that she doesn’t necessarily have enough going on in her own life.
Advice:
-Distinguish fact from fantasy
-Enjoy dating and the single life
-Find your purpose

Ms. Sex Machine: She thinks she can have “sex like a man” with no strings attached but it ends up coming around and biting her.
Advice:
-Stop undervaluing yourself
-Don’t confuse sex with love
-Maintain balance in your relationships

Ms. Second Place: She is too accommodating, an afterthought.  She always lets her partner take the lead and ends up being “the other woman” instead of a priority.
Advice:
-Insist that your needs be a priority
-Raise your expectations
-Build your confidence

Ms. Bag Lady: Has baggage from past relationships and has negative expectations going into another relationship.
Advice:
-Wait before you date
-Surround yourself with positive people
-Find the source of pain

Link to article

-debs